Definition
Dating violence is defined as an assaultive behavior between individuals in an intimate relationship. The assaultive behavior can be inflicted by a current or former partner and be verbal/psychological, physical, or sexual in nature and intended to harm the physical or mental well-being of the victim. Rarely is dating violence an isolated incident; it is a pattern of coercive behavior intended to exert control and domination by the offender toward the victim. The recurring abusive incidents usually escalate in frequency and severity and can result in serious physical injury, disablement, or death, without outside intervention to protect the victim, stop the violence, and hold the perpetrator accountable.
Warning Signs
It can be difficult to tell the difference between a healthy, unhealthy and abusive relationship. While there are many warning signs of abuse, here are ten of the most common to look for:
- Checking your cell phone or email without permission.
- Constant put-downs.
- Extreme jealousy or insecurity.
- Explosive temper.
- Isolating you from family or friends.
- Making false accusations.
- Mood swings.
- Physically hurting you in any way.
- Possessiveness.
- Telling you what to do.
What is Stalking
Stalking is defined as the willful and repeated following, watching, and/or harassing of another person. This may include either physical stalking or cyberstalking. Physical stalking may consist of following someone, appearing at a person's home or work, making harassing phone calls, leaving written messages, or vandalizing one's property. Cyberstalking involves using the Internet or other electronic means as a way to harass someone.
Stalking behaviors include:
- Constantly following or watching you either in person or via surveillance or other types of observation
- Non-consensual communication, including face-to-face, telephone calls, voice messages, electronic mail, written letters, unwanted gifts, etc.
- Damaging your property
- Repeatedly appearing at places where you are for no justifiable reason
- Threatening or obscene gestures
- Trespassing
- Non-consensual touching
How to Get Away in An Emergency
- Be conscious of other escape routes
- Think about options for transportation (car, bus, train, etc.)
Who Can Help
Where to Go
- A friend's room/apartment/house
- A relative's house
- A domestic violence or homeless shelter
- The emergency department at the local hospital - hospitals will allow you to take temporary shelter
- Campus Safety or local law enforcement. Even if Campus Safety knows both you and the perpetrator, they are still responsible for doing their job to protect you.
- IMPORTANT SAFETY NOTE: If the dangerous situation involved a partner, go to the police or a shelter first.
What to Bring
- Important papers and documents - birth certificate, social security card, driver's license/State-issued ID, passport, medical records, bills, etc.
- House or apartment keys, car keys, cash, credit cards, medicine, important numbers, cell phone
- Keep all of these things in an emergency bag
- Hide the bag - best if not in house or car
Walking Around Campus and Surrounding Area
- Walk confidently, directly, and at a steady pace.
- Make sure your cell phone is easily accessible and fully charged
- Be familiar with emergency phones installed on campus (parking lots - blue poles; buildings - yellow boxes or black phones)
- Be aware of open buildings where you can use a phone
- Keep some change accessible just in case you need to use a pay phone
- Take major public paths rather than less-populated shortcuts
- Avoid dimly lit places and report to Physical Plant any lights that may need to be installed in dark areas
- Avoid putting music/phone headphones in both ears so that you can be more aware of your surroundings, especially if you are walking alone.
- Walk with a friend whenever possible, especially late at night.
- Carry a noisemaker (like a whistle) and small flashlight on your keychain. If you carry other personal safety devices (such as pepper spray), be sure you know how to use them as well. Be aware that these devices can also be taken and used against you.
- If you fear danger, yell "FIRE" rather than "RAPE" or "HELP". People may be more likely to respond.
- If walking feels unsafe, call Campus Safety at x 333 for a ride
Taking the Bus
- Be alert at bus stops when waiting for the bus to arrive
- Use the bus schedule to avoid waiting for a long time at a stop
- Plan your route to use the busiest, best-lit stop possible
- If someone is bothering you on the bus, move to the front and tell the driver
- If you feel uneasy about getting off at your usual stop, stay on the bus until the next stop or wait until the bus goes around to your usual stop the second time
In your Car
- Park in safe places. Use Campus Safety assistance services, keep your car locked, and have your keys ready to open the door.
- Keep your car fueled and in good repair. When talking to strangers, crack your window slightly and keep the door locked.
- Use a buddy system. Let trusted people know what your plans are, and let them know when you have arrived and returned safely, especially if you are traveling long distances or in unfamiliar places.
Room/Apartment/House Safety
- Lock your door when you go to sleep and when you are not in the room
- Keep your window locked (especially if it is easy to enter from the ground)
- Don't allow tailgating into your building
- If your building has an elevator, try to stay near the button dashboard when you are riding in it so that you have easy access to the emergency button. Also, if you feel threatened, you can push the button for the next floor and leave immediately instead of waiting for the elevator to reach the floor where you live.
- Avoid isolated areas (stairways, laundry rooms, basement, etc.) when you are alone